How to Control Porn Addiction ?
Addicted to Porn? How to Get Back in Control
Like other addictions, porn addiction is hard to break.
Jack was a few-times-a-week guy who would troll porn sites when he had a stressful day on his job, when he was horny, when he was curious. But over the months, and now years, what started as something he could dip into and control is now controlling him: he’s spending several hours a day on porn sites.
Jack’s brain has taken over, he’s going on autopilot; he gets within 10 feet of his computer and it’s all over. And it’s dribbling into work, where breaks and lunches are filled with much the same. Jack is addicted.
And Jack is not alone. An estimated 200,000 folks are considered officially diagnosed with porn addiction, but surveys suggest that 84% of 18-49-year-olds are viewing porn with some frequency. Of course, the internet has fueled the problem—gone are the days where you needed to discretely slide into some adult bookstore. It’s right there on your computer, for free, with a simple click of a button; in fact, it’s 12% of all the web pages on the internet.
Dysregulation of your brain
Like most addictions, it's only partly about the powerful pull of habits; it's also about your brain. Excessive porn use rewires your midbrain—your brain's pleasure centers. You can find lots of research online about porn and sexual problems. There are now plenty of 20-year-olds with a porn addiction who are needing to take Viagra on a regular basis. It’s not because they are jaded—that their girlfriends aren’t as hot as the women on the porn sites—but because their midbrains are chemically dysregulated, affecting their ability to get aroused.
A bad solution to an underlying problem
While some are more prone to addiction—binge eating, gambling, substances—than others due to genetics and brain chemistry, the initial driver for most folks is situational—the addiction serving as a bad solution to another problem, such as depression, PTSD, or anxiety. Unfortunately, the addiction works: As soon as Jack clicks onto his favorite websites, he feels better. So, starts the downward spiral.
Impact on relationships
There are several. Obviously, sexual dysregulation is one; the addictive behavior essentially running your day. But again like other addictions, there is also secrecy, a withdrawal from real relationships when the ones on the screen take priority. I’ve met folks married for years where they thought their partners were down in the basement doing woodworking or crafts when they were actually down in the basement on the computer. Yes, finding out about the porn was a shock, but they also suffered for years living with someone who wasn’t an equal partner, who was always preoccupied that left them feeling lonely.
Breaking the pattern
The starting point here is you controlling your brain rather than your brain controlling you. Stopping the automatic behavior. How to start:
Track your moods
For some pull of the computer goes up and down, stronger on some days than others. If it does, this is about tracking your moods. Check in with yourself every hour and see how you are emotionally doing. Can you tell when you wake up in the morning or as your leaving work that today is one of those days, that you are feeling vulnerable and stressed and at risk of going on autopilot?
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